There was an error in your submission. Funniest saying. Ellen DeGeneresI think beauty comes from actually knowing who you are. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers. Need a good laugh? And they’re like, “Look at these crazy muthaf***as.” Y’all be stepping on people’s feet and hitting one another. My body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul. You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. And if you have a hit movie, it’s ‘so what,’ too – it’s on to the next movie. “Going back to your ex is like reheating your McDonald’s fries…”55. Rodney DangerfieldMarriage…it’s not a word, it’s a sentence. Groucho MarxThose are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well I have others. Robin WilliamsSee, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside Stephen ColbertHappiness can be really facile – To be with my wife and children, would be the deepest joy. Last Updated: 8th July 2020. Brendan FrancisThe true man wants two things: danger and play. 40 Hilarious Quotes to make you laugh! But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that. Stephen ColbertDon’t be afraid to be a fool. Ellen DeGeneresDo we have to worry about who’s gay and who’s straight? Refresh your page, login and try again.15 Inspiring, Uplifting Movies to Binge Watch on Netflix Right NowGo Ahead and Laugh!
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. Tina FeyA Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby’s temperature. 0. Beth McCollisterI could tell that my parents hated me.
We have nothing to die for. Steven WrightAm I perfect? His goal was to understand his pain, his depression, his fears, his lack of motivation and inspiration.He finished his software engineering degree in 2007 at the École de Technologie Supérieure de Montréal. You can’t do nothing by yourself. Robin WilliamsAh, yes, divorce… from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. Until they’re flashing behind you.”42. I go to the supermarkets to watch mothers lose it and beat the shit out of their kids. “That moment when you realize it wasn’t a fart”11. Rodney DangerfieldMy doctor told me to watch my drinking. Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I’d have an excuse. James ThurberHumor is a serious thing. Robin WilliamsNever pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose. You’ll realize this as soon as they are born and start using sleep deprivation to torture you. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. “If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”58. “The short answer is no.
Kevin HartI hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like ! He is the sum of the first three: He sees nobody, hears nobody and speaks to nobody.”71. But maybe, if you get shot by the dude you were shooting at, it’s a tiny bit your fault. Pablo PicassoPuns are the highest form of literature. Mike VanattaCrying is for plain women. Jimmy Carter (US president 1977 to 1981)The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Plus, it really teaches the baby who’s boss. See more ideas about Funny quotes, Quotes, Funny. “When you’re at the checkout line and they ask you if you found everything, say, “Why, are you hiding stuff?””14. And laugh. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls 4. Your account was created. Ryan ReynoldsWe’re not kissing. Now, I am officially a cereal killer.”43. And you feel something that makes you almost want to smile. “Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path.”18. “My scars tell a story… They are reminders of when life tried to break me, but failed.”23. Sometimes we have to see the funny side of life in … If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near forty. All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.